


Unsteady

by KayNight



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Anxiety, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Redemption, Size Difference, Touch-Starved, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-26
Updated: 2016-01-26
Packaged: 2018-05-16 07:58:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5820481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KayNight/pseuds/KayNight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Can I touch you?" </p>
<p>Ben's breathing pitches up, his lashes fluttering, and Poe feels his stomach bottom out at how anxious the man before him is just at the /thought/ of being touch.</p>
<p>Or, reunited after 15 years on opposing sides, two men find their way back to each other and Ben reacquaints himself with the idea of being touched without the intention of harm behind it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unsteady

**Author's Note:**

> Past Ben/Poe; Ben has PTSD/Anxiety; Ben's been redeemed and is currently the Resistance's prisoner; Snoke's methods of "teaching" were incredibly abusive. 
> 
> Just some shameless fluff tinged with angst.
> 
> Written to Unsteady by X Ambassadors.

"Can I touch you?" Poe asks of the man sitting in front of him, with his back pressed firmly against the cold wall of the cell. 

Ben's breathing pitches up, his lashes fluttering, and Poe feels his stomach bottom out at how fucking anxious the man before him is just at the /thought/ of being touch. His visible distress almost makes Poe draw his hand back, but immediately decides against it once he sees the flicker of desperation in those brown eyes at Poe's hesitation to close the gap between them. 

Poe's gaze drifts downwards at the sight of Ben swallowing hard, the harsh movement of muscles in his neck pulled taunt, and Poe unconsciously licks his lips, his mouth suddenly feeling dry. 

He returns his gaze back up to Ben's face, meeting those dark eyes with his own and the moment holds heavy with anticipation between them, Ben's almost shallow breathing and Poe's hand only inches from brushing against his cheek.

Poe closes the space between them and instantaneously Ben's eyes slid shut at the sensation of fingers against his skin, tracing the curve of his cheek bone and brushing at the corner of his eye. Something rises in his throat when Poe feels the dampness there, as he watches and feels the tears pool in Ben's eyes, watches him grit his teeth and tighten his jaw at the surge of emotion and before Poe can help it words are pouring past his lips.

"It's okay, I've got you, I'm here," he murmurs, brushing away the tears spilling over and something vile swirls in his stomach at the sight of this massively powerful man curling in on himself, muscles locked so tight, jaw clenched, eyes looking anywhere but at Poe's face. What happened this man, this extraordinarily powerful man who used to just exude light before and dark desperate power later that he is so utterly ruined by the brush of fingers across his cheek? 

The soft noise that falls past Ben's lips when Poe brushes his hand over the curve of his brow and in through his hair, dragging his nails gently down Ben's scalp and brushing through the dark waves, cuts Poe like a knife. 

Every damn minute reaction Ben has to being touched, every quiet sigh or tensing of muscles like he's expecting the other foot to drop, curls sharp and cold in Poe, deep down into the part of himself where he's locked away all those memories of bright smiles turned bitter and harsh and now before him, his broken boy.

Poe curls his right hand around the nape of Ben's neck, fingers sinking into the soft curls there and admiring the way Ben arches at the feeling of Poe's calloused fingers. 

Poe shifts his weight onto his haunches, his other arm propped by Ben's neck up against the wall, and in one smooth move, eases himself astride Ben's lap, straddling his thighs. Poe smiles slightly at how comically wide Ben's eyes become as Poe makes himself at home on top of the larger man, quietly relishing in the share of warmth between them.

"Much better, I'm getting too old to be sitting on hard floors all day," Poe comments lightly, almost slyly looking up at Ben through his lashes, who, unsurprisingly after everything Poe has learned from his reactions today, still has plain shock written all over his features. 

Poe lets out a quiet chuckle, which grows into laughter at the now almost exasperated expression on Ben's face, so different from the anxious and almost desperate look he'd been wearing since Poe first asked if he could touch him.

"If they ever let you out of here, you could always strike out as a professional body heater, do a tour of Hoth - you'd make millions," Poe finds himself joking, eyes dancing as the harsh edge of the Ben's expression seems to soften at Poe's antics. 

Ben's surprise turned exasperation eases into warm relief, appreciation shining in his eyes and Poe's breath stutters. He hasn't seen that expression in fifteen long years, the softness of Ben's warm (not dull or dark, but warm and /soft/) eyes and the slight curve of those full lips (god how Poe has the image of those lips kiss bruised and arcing in laughter seared into his brain even after all these years) in the hint of an amused smile, it may be a mere shadow of the light of their youth, but that's the same damn expression Ben wore the last time he told Poe that he loved him (the last time Poe believed him when he said it, whispered between them like a cherished secret, quiet and sweet). 

Poe is suddenly overwhelmed by the memory and he curls in on himself ever so slightly, shooting a soft but tremulous smile at Ben to not give him the wrong impression, but he was just drowning in that moment at the thought that even after all these years, after everything that he's done, that Ben still has the light within him to feel even an inkling of love for Poe. 

Trying to center himself, Poe focused on the physicality of the man beneath him, of the muscles relaxed under his own thighs, the only slight distance between their chests, and the warmth of Ben's neck under the hand Poe had curled against it. 

Fuck, when did he get so big? It seems like every damn difference that Poe picks up on between the boy he once knew and the man pressed up against him both succeeds at breaking his heart and making it beat just a little bit faster. He starts a little when he feels those heavy hands carefully settle at his waist, and Poe finds himself leaning further into the man beneath him and marveling quietly at his carefulness.

Ben hadn't been rough or clumsy when they'd been together, just very gangly, all arms and elbows and scrambling fingers. Everything behind Ben's movements now is well thought out, heavy with intent and mindful of each action. Poe guessed that falling to the dark and losing everything by your own hands and then dragging yourself back home would do that to a man.

Poe appreciates it though, and realizes he wouldn't have it any other way. Any sureness on Ben's part would've felt false and deceitful, having him fall apart quite literally under Poe's fingertips made Poe feel more solid in his decision to trust him this far, trust him with his heart just this much. 

This half a breath of understanding, of lightness in his heart that although his Ben is gone forever, destroyed by Kylo Ren, that there is still a chance for this man here in his arms, who has opened himself so completely to Poe's scrutiny has Poe moving forward, making sure that Ben's eyes are met with his own, his purpose clear - and he gently brushes his lips against Ben's. 

Ben freezes, eyes wide and clear and bright, hands useless at Poe's waist, gives Poe a wobbly smile, and then pulls Poe in for a hug so tight and warm and full of sheer thankfulness that Poe doesn't think that he'd mind being stuck here forever, his love returned to him in some form - broken, bruised, and with a lot to pay for, but still his.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are love please, please let me know what you think! <3 hmu if u ever wanna chat about my mentally ill kid Ben Organa-Solo and the rebel scum hero of my heart Poe Dameron.


End file.
